Revealed Monsters

2011-09-10T02:38:00.002+08:00

yeah so I don't think I'll post here anymore, all my thoughts will be on my tumblr tagged personal....yeah. bye ^^

hoggy-warts.tumblr.com/tagged/personal

2011-07-22T23:31:00.001+08:00

it's disgusting how I havent done any work this week. PLAIN DISGUSTING.

2011-07-13T22:45:00.000+08:00

everytime I talk to you I just feel dumber and dumber.
it's like I'm never good enough.
I probably never will be anyway.

2011-07-08T22:14:00.003+08:00

it sucks to be forgotten.
it sucks even more to be forgotten by your own family.

can't remember to feed me.
can't even remember my name.
you don't even notice I'm gone from the dinner table.
I think that's the best part,
you don't even notice my presence in the first place.

2011-06-27T01:47:00.002+08:00

You know what I just realised?

I wasted two weeks of my life doing shit.

I don't know how I'm ever gonna get those 336 hours back but I will work hard this term.

No more nonsense.

I know I've said it before, and guess what?

Nothing's been done about it.

No matter what I tell myself, nothing will be good enough unless I see the results.

I will sacrifice the next 4 months so that I can enjoy good things later on.

Let's hope these actions speak louder than the words I tell myself each night before I go to bed.

I'll probably be on hiatus on my tumblr and blogspot.

Maybe the occasional tweet.

but, BYE.

2011-06-26T22:11:00.002+08:00

I give my life to the potter's hand.

Use me as you want, I will do all I can to the best of my ability.

I want to be somone you are proud of.

2011-06-16T22:00:00.003+08:00

has it been lies this whole time?
it probably has.
and I don't know if I care or not.

a piece of paper,
for you to use.
to draw,
to let your imagination run wild.
to write out your thoughts,
to let you express how you
truly do feel.
but when it's been used up,
filled completely.
its thrown away and left
to be forgotten like it was never
touched in the first place.
then left to be recycled and treated again
the exact same way

you treat me like a piece of paper.

2011-06-16T21:57:00.001+08:00

I'm so sick of being nice and then getting neglected and treated like some piece of paper.

2011-06-15T23:54:00.002+08:00

full stops signify the end to a sentence,

that means the next should have nothing to do with what was said in the first.

why is it that I can't seem to place full stops in my life?

then maybe it can be an end to that era, and I will no longer have to worry or even think about what happened in that previous "sentence"

I wanna forget it.

Say annyeong, goodbye, adios.

2011-06-15T23:51:00.002+08:00

no one

will

know,

hear,

or see

a thing.

why?

simply,

because

no one

needs to.

2011-06-14T20:50:00.003+08:00

I'm not even good enough for you.

We've been through so many things,

we've survived the seperation.

but something tells me that 13 years is kinda doing something to us.

the last year or so,

you don't seem to pay attention to me anymore.

as if,

as if I didn't exist.

attempts to repair and catch up seem to get pushed aside.

it's like although we constantly say we're first to each other,

i'm sure in our hearts it's a whole different story.

why?

I don't know what can I do.

It takes two hands to clap and I'm a lonely hand waiting for you.

Where are you?

I'm scared.

If I'm not good enough for you,

that means I will never be good enough for anyone else.

Day 1-5

2011-06-02T16:18:00.007+08:00

Day 1: Your favorite breakfast food.

BAGELS WITH CREAM CHEESE AND HAM ^^

unfortunately, they don't do that in Singapore, wish they did though. GAH ): and I wish I had a picture of it! I thought I did but I guess it's not in my laptop! But wouldn't you absolutely LOVE having a nice warm onion bagel with a whole dollop of cream cheese and freshly sliced ham? :D I'd be in heaven if we had a whole foods in Singapore! I'd make sure I'd be the first in line everyday!

Day 2: What you normally eat for breakfast.

Hmm... I'm usually in too much of a rush to actually have time to sit down and eat breakfast before I leave the house. Since breakfast is the first meal of the day, I'd guess that would make my recess at school my breakfast? Though, what I'd usually eat would be something someone would have for lunch or dinner like Yong Tau Foo or Roti Prata. However, I seem to be eating frozen yoghurt a lot these few days! It's been so hot and the fresh original, sour flavour seems to wake me up a lot!

Day 3: Breakfast from another country.

Hohoho, this was my breakfast for like a week when I was in Orlando (: Gosh, I miss iHop ): wish they had the damn diner in Singapore, I'd be there EVERYDAY. It's 24 hours you know! I would wake up at 5am everyday just to eat that before I go to school! ^^ Unfortunately, I'd probably become twice the size of what I already am! :/ Maybe it's a good thing we dont have it....

Day 4: What you had for breakfast today

Erm, I didn't really eat breakfast so what I had for recess? That would make it two curry puff pastries from 7-11, which were really strange tasting, I must add. I think it was because I didn't eat it last night and left it out in my air conditioned room the entire night :/

Day 5: Your favorite cereal.

HONEY CORN FLAKES. HANDS DOWN. It has ownage over all cereal for me ^^

30 Day Challenge

2011-06-02T16:17:00.002+08:00

Day 1: Your favorite breakfast food.
Day 2: What you normally eat for breakfast.
Day 3: Breakfast from another country.
Day 4: What you had for breakfast today.
Day 5: Your favorite cereal.
Day 6: How you like your eggs.
Day 7: Favorite breakfast beverage.
Day 8: Your favorite breakfast as a kid.
Day 9: Pancakes or waffles?
Day 10: Something you want to try.
Day 11: What you’re craving right now.
Day 12: The perfect sack lunch.
Day 13: What you ate for lunch as a kid.
Day 14: Soup, salad, or fries?
Day 15: What you had for lunch today.
Day 16: Your favorite food from a can.
Day 17: The perfect sandwich.
Day 18: Your favorite vegetable.
Day 19: Your favorite snack.
Day 20: What you would take on a picnic.
Day 21: Favorite appetizer.
Day 22: Favorite take-out food.
Day 23: What you had for dinner today.
Day 24: Dinner from another country.
Day 25: Something you know how to make.
Day 26: Something you grew up eating.
Day 27: Your favorite candy.
Day 28: Your favorite dessert.
Day 29: A midnight snack.
Day 30: Your favorite food.

I'm bored let me be!!! okay I'm going to do Day 1-5 now~~~~

30 Day Challenge

2011-06-02T16:17:00.001+08:00

2011-05-31T21:42:00.001+08:00

so I get called petty, boring and a liar all in one conversation?
oh thanks.
guess this isn't a free world.
not even allowed to share my own thoughts.

2011-05-30T20:21:00.004+08:00

you know what the biggest problem is?

you'll probably never say my name.

no wait, let me re-phrase that.

you'll probably never know my name.

and I don't know how to feel about that.

knowing that there's this huge probability that you will never come to even know me somehow doesn't seem to affect me. maybe it's because almost everyone I've felt this way about has that same probability causing me to become numb towards having that thought. I always seem to have this thought that there's this slim chance I might actually get the oppurtunity. But this time, this time it's different. I think I've never wanted something more. And knowing that there's that huge likelihood that nothing will happen, it makes me ache like I never have before. Yet, everyday I tell myself to push that thought to the back of my head because I don't know what's in store for me and the problem is, I'm not that excited about it.

2011-05-28T22:20:00.001+08:00

I find it completely amusing how when we're in public, you guys can be smiling and talking nicely.
but the moment and I meant THE moment we stepped into the house,
you guys start fighting.
over what?
oh yeah, the dog.
I regret having one so bad,
not the dog in itself but the idea of a family dog.
you know something?
never in my entire life have I seen my father come home and greet me the way he greets Roo.
call me crazy, tell me I'm over reacting but honestly,
I was never fussed over like this.
ugh, this night just gets worse and to top it off?
the crying isn't gonna help me stinging eyes.

2011-05-21T15:29:00.002+08:00

don't give me crap about how I don't care.
I'm the one that cares the most and I'm sick of you.
of this damn family that even fights when we're trying to pick a place to eat.
you make everything horrible for me,
I think you're maybe the only one who can make me feel this way.
get away.
I don't want to care anymore.

2011-05-19T17:57:00.001+08:00

I'm done with sitting here and whining.
time to get cracking

2011-05-19T14:32:00.002+08:00

so I failed three subjects.
honestly, I'm not very surprised.
serves me right for not sleeping early, for neglecting the subjects I found easier, for not starting till two weeks before.
called my mum, hoping for some form of encouragement.
what did I get?
oh yeah, obviously a scolding.
gotta say adios to my beloved laptop, to resonate, to going out and there's a possibility that my iPhone's going too.
sigh, and just as I thought maybe there's this slim chance I did it,
that I got what I wanted, then this comes along.
as if I weren't feeling crappy enough?
ugh.
but what do I do from here?
I so badly want to take the way out, but I can't.
whatever.
crying in the bus seems so pathetic and I feel hypocritical for doing it.

2011-05-18T22:44:00.000+08:00

someone

please

enlighten

me.

why

can't

happy

tonight?

2011-05-18T21:34:00.003+08:00

maybe if I don't expect so much from myself,

from you,

from others especailly,

maybe then I wouldn't feel so upset and pathetic when things don't go they way I want them to.

maybe then I wouldn't feel like I've got so much to live up to,

it'd be the easier way out that's for sure.

but it'd be the less painful one as well.

2011-05-17T22:47:00.001+08:00

"Everyday I put on a mask which now suffocates me - the truth"

2011-05-17T22:43:00.000+08:00

thank god for friends who care <3

Fact 2

2011-05-17T17:59:00.003+08:00

okay so back to the explanation of my hundred facts.

2. I'd eat probably anything if it had cheese on it.

I always liked diary products as a kid (well I guess I'm still one now ). Anyway, I loved eating cheese sticks and I'd choose milk or water ANYDAY, I still do just because I feel that it has a certain....taste to it? I don't know, it's probably just me but I adore the taste. Same goes with stuff like yoghurt and ice cream(okay who doesn't love ice cream?). Plus, my parents were the kind who loved their cheese and wine so I loved things like edam and stilton dispite the weird mould that everyone hates just because it stinks. FYI, the smellier, the tastier ^^. HAHAHA but yeah and KFC cheese fries, cheeseburgers, I loved pretty much anything that had it. Did I mention, my school used to sell these awesome cheese sausaged and throughout my entire primary 4 year I had two EVERYDAY. kinda cool right? hahahah yeah now you understand my size but hey I love it. I even remember that once, because of my hatred for vegetables, my mum melted some cheese on top of some broccoli just so that I'd eat it and be able to get the fibre because I was having horrible constipation, LOL.

So yeah I guess that's my love of cheese? But to this day, I'd still pick a chilli cheese dog as the one food I'd have to eat for the rest of my life (:

imagine

2011-05-17T17:52:00.003+08:00

The pain seized me, and I could almost feel my heart shatter as the words slipped out of your mouth.

The one person who I thought I could trust, was coldly turning away and stomping on me as though I had meant nothing.

I probably did, maybe I was lying to myself this whole time.

It was possible that I made it up in my head as a sort of comfort to myself that maybe someone actually cared.

We all do that, don't we?

We create scenarios and figments to make ourselves feel better, to escape the reality.

But as I felt my breath leave me, nothing I could think of would subside this.

2011-05-16T23:30:00.002+08:00

at the end of the day we sigh and run our fingers through our hair.

wishing that we could do things over,

hoping that we could find the time to do things that make us happy,

praying that we could get more sleep,

but we just close our eyes and thank god for the lessons he taught us.

waking up with a fresh, new day to learn from the mistakes we made the one before,

appreciative of how we were given another chance.

you can't always get what you want

2011-05-15T20:11:00.005+08:00

I think the reason why what we don't always get what we want, wish for, desire or dream about is purely because if we kept getting everything we asked for, nothing will no longer be cherished.

~~but can I have you? I promise I'll cherish you.~~

狗是比我更重要

this time, that time, every time.

2011-05-15T19:48:00.003+08:00

Everytime we get together, we somehow get into a fight.

I don't know what causes it, it's natural for us I guess.

But I am soooooo sick of it.

All of us can't seem to go a single car ride without pissing someone off.

How is it possible that we do that?

It's times like these that I wish you were real to hold me and tell me that everything was gonna be okay. That I wouldn't have to worry, that you'd take care of me and that I wouldn't need to rely on them. You would come once you hear my shaking voice on the other side of the phone and you would pull me close and comfort me. But I know it's not possible, because you're a figment of my imagination and I can't have you no matter what. I'll try, I'll try my very best and give it my all to make you not just my alternate world or a dream but I'll make you become a reality. I want you to be real so badly it hurts and all I can think about is how much I wish it were real and as stupid as it is, you're my motivation to work hard. I'll put in the effort to make you real.

~~I know you, but I don't have a relationship with you and it kills me.~~

2011-05-11T15:17:00.000+08:00

I missed top 20 by two points.
TWO.
isn't it great knowing that you're not good at anything?
I don't think I wanna DSA anymore.
might as well work hard and show I got some form of brains.

2011-05-06T23:58:00.002+08:00

I love how things just can occur and it seems like all fall in place.

feeling all crappy i went to look at my favourite verse but came across this which fit my last post perfectly and has cheered me up tremendously:

When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet

- Proverbs 3:24

I know he'll protect me in my dreams, he'll let me rest in peace.

2011-05-06T23:36:00.002+08:00

Sleeping is the only way to escape reality.
but i'm too scared to sleep.
im afraid that the thoughts i push to the back of my mind during the day,
ignite at night.
it'll become alive and then i realise that is the reality that i have to face.
that i'm not ready to face.
maybe this is why i've been trying to resist falling asleep.
but cried myself to sleep last night,
it felt so alone at 2 in the morning just thinking about so many things.
about all the problems i have lined up.
about my history paper today,
about the consequences of so many things.
sometimes i ask myself why don't i just permanently put myself to sleep.
but i know the reason.
we can't always let ourselves take the easy way out,
plus we were placed here for a purpose.
i wanna know what that purpose is.

2011-05-06T22:00:00.001+08:00

The tears will roll
and the problems will go
but I promise never to leave your side

2011-05-05T23:47:00.004+08:00

I see the way you hold her hand differently from everyone else's.
the way you look at her with genuine care while the others look bored or shy.
the way you protect her.
is it so wrong for me to want to be her?
to be able to say i have your number

but I will work hard for you.
I will work hard to get that degree, so that I can be that person standing next to you.
it may be pathetic, but hey.
I'll do it for you.

2011-05-02T20:05:00.002+08:00

"I'm scared," she whispered, gripping his hand even tighter.
"Scared of what?" he asked, taking his free hand to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear.
"Of this, of my decisions, of my life, of the consequences, of everything," she chocked out, now turning to face him with tears begin to gather in her eyes. "No one said it was going to be this hard."
He chuckled, and took both his hands to cup her face, using the tips of his thumb to brush away the tears. "But never forget, I'm here with you the entire way," he said, staring straight into her eyes. Listening to what he had to say she smiled and lay her head against his chest, knowing it wouldn't be too tough if he were by her side.

2011-05-01T22:42:00.002+08:00

I dream of us.

I wish.

2011-05-01T00:37:00.002+08:00

I want to caress your face in between my hands,

I want to brush my fingertips across your eyelids,

I want to be able to run my fingers through your hair,

to swipe your lips with my thumb,

to hold your hand and squeeze it lightly,

to be able to be there for you when something happens,

to be your source of joy and comfort when you're tired.

it hurts to want so much and wish for something that you know might never come true.

well, a girl can dream. can't she?

2011-04-30T23:07:00.002+08:00

How pathetic am I that i'm jealous of a seven year old?

You have no idea what I would do to be her at that moment.

Or now as a matter of fact.

But I'm happy for her, to have someone she can talk to as great as you.

I know you'll take care of her.

Just like how you still check up on him, no matter how busy you are.

Sigh, what I would do to be in her position.

2011-04-29T23:07:00.001+08:00

it's ridiculous how I'm working so hard.
I was questioning myself just now, like really why am I making yawls suffer NAO. when the exams are in a few months?
and then I realized, its because of you.
I watch you give 120% in everything you do and it makes me feel pathetic if I'm not doing something to the best of my ability.
it's almost as if I'm wasting my time.
but I know that because of what you said, I will push myself till my limit just like you do every single time

Do something as if it's your last chance to prove you're worthy.

2011-04-29T18:10:00.002+08:00

I think my life is this huge slippery slope and as times passes by I feel almost as if it's collecting more problems and it mounts up into this gigantic ball.

WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LAIFUE.

anyway I liked the quote I wrote in literature on Tuesday:
"Maybe I believes the lies you tell because they're less painful than the truth. I will chant them till I finally believe the lies"

2011-04-24T13:56:00.000+08:00

OH I CAN FINALLY BLOG.
honestly, i dont get my parents but whatever.
like first im not allowed to go for church because of my cough
and now you're like dragging me out of the the house to go to my cousin's birthday
because its important to "show face" -.-
I DONT GET MINDSETS.

2011-04-07T22:20:00.000+08:00

ignore me, see if i care.
oh wait, I do.

2011-04-05T21:27:00.001+08:00

hi, you matter to me.
I still love you.
okaythanksbye.

doesn't it suck when no matter what you say, you can't cheer a person up?

2011-04-03T12:17:00.000+08:00

IM SIXTEEN IN A WEEK, GIVE ME A BREAK.

IM TIRED OF PRETENDING THAT EVERYTHING IS PERFECT AT HOME.
it's a house, I'm sorry but it's not a home.

2011-04-02T22:26:00.001+08:00

it's not safe anymore,

my alternate reality has been broken into by those who aren't suppose to know about it.

it's not mine anymore.

i don't know how to continue without it.

oh gosh, talking to you after so long was fabulous.

i love how you love me no matter what.

cause that's what bffs do right?

and omg us constantly saying the same thing,

it make me giggle like the way we did when we saw a cute guy when we were together.

i love you (L)

random thoughts~

2011-03-27T21:31:00.000+08:00

Nothing can stop me from changing myself so that you love me.

But you still wouldn’t be loving ME.

Because now, I’m not really myself now am I?

2011-03-26T23:35:00.000+08:00

oh gosh what is wrong with me.
I'm dead tired and all I want to do is sleep.
but as much as I am tired,
I'm scared to fall asleep.

2011-03-26T20:37:00.000+08:00

why am I not surprised
even the dog comes before me.

sleeping

2011-03-25T23:05:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, I don't want to sleep.

Because sleep is where all our thoughts come alive,

and I don't want certain thoughts I try to keep away during the day to haunt me as I try to go to bed.

Fact 1:

2011-03-23T12:29:00.002+08:00

So yes I am a child of god, I'm kinda glad I was born into a Christian family.

Although their current lifestyles may not let them come to church with me, at least they believe (well with the exception of my sister).

Anyway, I think I'm lucky to have him in my life for I know I'm never alone.

Despite having my faith falter slightly when I was in my primary school years, I think I was very fortunate cause in a way, I think he had planned out everything for me.

Even if it did mean having to go to St Margaret's.

Sometimes I think I will have learnt most of my important lessons in this school. It was a tough first few years but with him and with the friends I've been blessed with, I know I'll make it too. Looking back, I think I'm very fortunate that things turned out like this, with a great church and stuff, especially knowing that I didn't really understand or enjoy my previous one.

So I guess yeah I really am lucky to be one, knowing that there's always him to turn to and that he's there for us and loved us so much he sent his son down.

And though sometimes we may wonder why things happen and ask ourselves "WHY ME", maybe you just gotta get a step back and think that maybe it's part of his greater plan!

100 Facts

2011-03-21T20:16:00.013+08:00

In honor of my boredom and the TT #100factsaboutme i shall do a spam, and then following this, I shall pick a fact everyday and do a post about it because I'm running out of things to talk about.

1. I'm a child of god, and proud of it.

2. I'd pretty much eat anything if it had cheese on it.

3. I want a stuffed frog and I'd name him flame.

4. I respect your opinion on something, but if it insults someone else's then I'm sorry all my respect has gone down the drain.

5. Sometimes, I feel like I was forced to grow up and I had my childhood taken away from me.

6. My favourite colours are (in order of preference): orange, green, pearlescent blue, yellow, blue and purple

7. For my sixteenth birthday, I just want the day to go well. I will ask for nothing more.

8. I get jealous, easily.

9. When I see people cry, I want to cry too. I'm an emotional wreck, I know.

10. I hope to see myself in Columbia's graduating class of 2017. (If the world still exists)

11. My favourite number is 11.

12. My favourite song of the moment: In my room - SHINee

13. My motto? If you're gonna watch and judge, don't watch.

14. As much as I love Fernando Alonso, I want Kimi Raikkonen back.

15. I feel like Alex Rodriguez let me down, though I don't personally know him..... ^^

16. Biggest fear in life: that I'll die with a regret.

17. Second greatest fear in life: that I'll die alone.

18. Although I love reading, if I start to hate the plot line halfway through, nothing in the world will cause me to read it finish UNLESS it's for school.

19. I fall sick, a lot. And it pisses me off.

20. I get paranoid when people don't reply my texts.

21. I don't like it when someone reads my texts unless you were part of the conversation or I've given you permission to read them.

22. I'm mostly a really happy person, but when I emo, boy do I get depressed.

23. If I could, I'd buy the yankees team.

24. My dream car is a BMW Z4 and a Ferrari F3 (an Audi A8 would be nice too)

25. I can't decide between my favourite TV shows, it's a toss between Friends and NCIS.

26. I cried when I walked into the Wizarding World of Harry Potter.

27. My favourite book ever is Home Truths by Freya North

28. My favourite series is the Harry Potter series

29. J.K Rowling is my queen, we need to acknowledge that.

30. I overeact. A LOT.

31. Just about everytime I read Quasimodo's lyrics, my heart wants to shatter into a billion pieces.

32. My favourite quote is by Lady Gaga: "Well, that's your opinion isn't it? And I'm not about to waste my time changing it"

33. I think Helena Bonham Carter is AMAZING, as an actress and person.

34. Everytime I see a white Suzuki, my heart starts to race.

35. There are two things that can calm me down: First, my favourite perfume - LOVE ETC. and Secondly, Choi Minho's smile.

36. I feel like I'm never a good enough friend to anyone.

37. Crying and praying always makes me feel better.

38. I love Famous Amos Cookies.

39. I crave Shilin Chicken everytime I'm in Harbourfront.

40. Sometimes, I think I might crack under all the stress.

41. I feel that there's no point in getting married if there's divorce after 2 weeks of marriage. Isn't it about till death do us part? Who changed the vows?

42. I want Son Ga In's body and face and hair. I'd just want to keep my height (:

43. Taylor Swift was the person I've heard live, sound the best.

44. My favourite bible verses are Psamls 121: 2-3.

45. If I could pick anywhere to go to right now, it'd either be New York or Seoul.

46. My favourite vitamin water flavours are XXX and essential.

47. My classes from Primary 1 to Sec 4 have been: 1/4, 2/4, 3C, 4Grace, 5Joy, 6Patience, 1e5, 2e4, 3e5, 4e5.

48. When I'm bored, I edit photos.

49. I am currently using an iPhone 4.

50. I keep a planner with a schedule that is planned out according to each event. I mostly do follow it, with exceptions.

51. I have a talent for finding out news as soon as it comes out, maybe it's just coincidental but I like to think of it as a talent!

52. I like my blog name. I created it because I liked the idea of my thoughts as monsters.

53. My tumblr URL is hoggy-warts. I thought it was a pretty cool HP related name~

54. Procrastination is my way of life, and I think that needs to be changed REALLY soon.

55. I want Minho to come back on Dream Team, as much I do want him to have his rest :/

56. I really do feel like I spent my childhood wanting to grow up, but now as a Teenager, the only thing I want is to be a child again.

57. I realised I fall for the same type of look: dark hair that is either spikey or long(like shoulder, it's awkward if it's in between), huge smile and thick eyebrows. He somehow seems to have greenish blue or brown eyes. never black or like hazel or smthing :/

58. My light switch says "Lumos" on the top and "Nox" on the bottom.

59. I don't like treating regrets as something I wish I hadn't done, I prefer to treat them as lessons~

60. On my file, it says "Avada Kedavra"

61. I am currently confused as to which episode of Adam Couple I am watching on We Got Married, because I worked my way back, skiped to the middle and now I'm starting from the beginning.

62. My cork board has: Tickets to my school concerts last year, tickets to iron man, a ten dollar bill from Church Camp 2010, newprints with Jo, XT and C, post-its that say "crucio", "do you work now, procrastination kills" and "Columbia 2013", Valentine's day notes from A and YX, a get well soon card and a good luck note from WY.

63. My favourite restaurant is Morton's.

64. I don't know if you feel the same way about me as I do about you, ever since that conversation two years ago, I don't know anything anymore.

65. Sometimes I read our old conversations and I cry, because at that time, I know I meant differntly to you.

66. I'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason, because God has it all planned out for us, as so long as we make the right choices, it's all in his hands (:

67. The person I miss the most right now? TGPS. One of the few people who understand every thought.

68. I want to have three kids when I grow up, a pair of fraternal twins (one boy and one girl) and I wanna adopt a kid.

69. If I could, I'd live of Hot Dogs and Chilli Cheese fries.

70. I know God will take care of everything, no matter how crappy I feel. It's the one thing I tell myself when all seems at lost.

71. I personally think if Im not judging you on what you like, why judge me on what I like?

72. I wish my future name could somehow be Amelia Choi-Lautner-Efron

73. I hope to get into ACJC, if I can actually get into top 20 speakers of division 2.

74. I realised that I eat more when I'm at home compared to if I'm out with people. I think I eat out of boredom basically~

75. I'd much rather stay at home with my laptop or phone then go out and watch a movie/shop.

76. I prefer salty over sweet ANYDAY.

77. My biggest pet peeve is airport security.

78. I can't stand public transport, soley because Singaporeans are ignorant souls.

79. I don't like the shape of my nails.

80. Impatience, I think is one of my worst habits. However, I'm still learning, give me sometime...

81. My all time favourite band is Queen, Freddie Mercury will always be missed.

82. I thought I loved you, but then again I think I was in love with the idea of you, and now I never know if I love someone the right way because of this.

83. My current favourite artiste are Taylor Swift, SHINee and Demi Lovato

84. I sent Zac Efron a package of Calvin Klein boxers for his 21st birthday.

85. I want to be a journalist when I grow up.

86. I either want to major in journalism/mass communications/english when I get into university

87. When I sleep less, I'm high the first few hours after I initially wake up. But after 4-5 hours, I crash and burn.

88. I laugh everytime I key in my pin number

89. Converse shoes are my thing, I have eight pairs. Well three are broken...so technically five.

90. I want to learn how to skate board.

91. When I'm up on a high building or something that is way above the ground, I don't have a fear of looking down, I have a fear of looking up.

92. If I'm not too lazy, I'll blow dry my hair as straight as it can possibly get without the use of a flat iron.

93. I actually enjoy reading poetry, because it feels almost as if somone wrote down my thoughts for me.

94. Actually, I don't like it when anyone judges me because I like/do something based on how they see others who have liked/done the same thing.

95. I can tolerate nonsense pretty well, probably because I exert so much of it.

96. During that time of the month, I always crave the same thing - KitKats. So you probably now know why you'll see me eating 5 in one day.

97. One thing I absolutely cannot stand is being hungry and not knowing what I want to eat.

98. I'm that person who, despite having already gone to the fridge earlier, still goes to check if there's some real food to eat in it 5 minutes later.

99. I actually might consider deleting my twitter if everyone from facebook moves onto it...

100. I think one of the best feelings in the world, is proving someone wrong.

2011-03-19T22:50:00.003+08:00

today's ride home was pretty interesting.
I was left with my thoughts when my phone died, leaving me without a place to escape to.
so what's a girl to do?
eavesdrop on the coversations of different groups of people.
I know it's bad, but it was pretty interesting hearing about the lives of different people.
three stood out really clearly, because what they said showed me a completely different picture then what merely met my eyes.
firstly, was a pair of guys.
they obviously didn't know each other but one asked the other why the large bag of art supplies,
and the guy responded with how he loved to go out and just draw the world the way he saw it.
he took some out to show the other and obviously u couldn't help but take a peak.
it was AMAZING.
his colours and sketches were beatiful and abstract, drawn the way he and maybe only a few others would understand the world to be
and looking at him in his shabby clothes, you'd never expect him to be educated or talented like this
secondly were these two women.
they too probably had just gotten acquainted earlier tonight, they were talking about their lives
and how they met their husbands and all that cool adulthood conversation topics.
it was cool to actually listen to their stories, because again they made me re-think how I saw people based on how they dress.
these two were in tight, attractive clothing and all I could think was "wow, how much more wrong could I be about these women?"
it was interesting to really find out about them.
the last pair were a couple.
they were a gay couple, and it was the first time I had seen one up close in Singapore.
it was interesting to see how they interacted just like your average couple,
although they attracted some attention for their voices, dressing and actions, it was one of te cutest things I had ever seen.

maybe we should all re-consider before making judgements.

i see them flying

2011-03-18T20:58:00.000+08:00

2011-03-18T19:18:00.004+08:00

and i'm proud of it.

sophie said this in the chrysalids about spiderman.

about how she's not ashamed to be in love with him despite his abnormalties.

and i think we should all be proud of what or who we love,

no matter what others think.

as so long as you love it, who really cares what other people think?

YOU MATTER.

2011-03-17T19:07:00.002+08:00

don't let someone tell you otherwise.

2011-03-17T17:20:00.002+08:00

i miss you, and i want you back in my life.

but i can't have that.

the mistake we both made, i don't know how to undo them.

i won't judge anymore, i learnt my lesson.

if only.

if only i knew that that day was the last day i would have seen you.

i would have stayed longer, i would have cherished the hug more.

i would have hung onto your words so much harder.

if only is such a sad pair of words.

it means thinking about the possibilities, if you've done something different.

i would have done so many things differently.

but that way i can't learn, we learn from our mistakes.

if we never made them, we would have never known the possible outcomes of doing certain things.

it's the only way we'll ever learn.

~~i would have done so many things differently if i knew this is how it'd end up~~

~~but as i think, i dont know how im suppose to learn from this~~

2011-03-15T23:11:00.001+08:00

the air

2011-03-15T23:04:00.002+08:00

am i just some space occupier?

waiting to help you fill the emptiness of your heart?

am i nothing more than that?

not worth anything at all?

oh i see, just something you can get rid of once you find something better.

only when you lose it, then my return will be come crucial to you.

you won't need me as so long as someone else who is means more to you can fill the space.

i'll be left forgotten to one side,

to collect dust and let the memories fade,

until once again like an old toy, when needed, i shall finally be found again to help you occupy that hole.

am i really nothing to you but a something to fill the empty air?

~~why is it always me who's left with that role~~

2011-03-05T23:31:00.003+08:00

Do you ever feel that sometimes, you're just not good enough?

not good enough for someone?

not a good enough friend?

sibling?

daughter/son?

christian?

person?

is it pathetic that I feel that way just about every second of my life?

Our future

2011-03-05T21:44:00.002+08:00

Today the church got some bad news, we were being asked to shift.

Of course I felt sad and when it was announced, I could feel the whole mood of resonate just plummet.

But, I wasn't afraid.

Because I know that God will provide and all things will become good in the end.

He has a plan for all of us, and at first we may not understand his actions, but they work out eventually.

It may just take a while to see it!

The saying "Everything happens for a reason", you may hate it but it's the truth.

There's always a reason as to why things happen, and sometimes we don't see it till we take a step back and just observe the big picture.

I think people being people, just assume the worst in a situation.

Something bad happens "Oh crap, I'm gonna die. AHHHHHH" But I don't feel worried about my future anymore becuase I know that as so long as I put in my best efforts, everything will work out in the end because now it's all in God's hands and whatever happens just happens.

I have choices that he's laid out for me and I know with his help, I'll make the right one.

We shouldn't be afraid of what challenges we face ahead because we're not alone, he's with us the entire way.

We may not know it or realise it but he is.

Just like the poem about God on a journey with a person and she looks back to see that the most difficult times in her life, there was only one imprint in the sand and when she asked God why he wasn't there for her, he replied "Child, it is at those times where I carried you."

I love that poem a lot, because it just re-assures my faith that he will be there with me no matter what the situation, circumstance or how horrible a person I am.

He's there, so the future is nothing to be worried about (:

judge of all

2011-03-04T22:10:00.006+08:00

I think the world does one thing best:

It judges

I know it's human nature to see a woman walk down the street in a tight skirt and immediately think, "oh, slut"

But sometimes, I just find myself taking a step back and looking at everything and saying, "No, I can't make that statement."

Why?

Because maybe, as I make a judgement on someone purely based on the way they're dress, that person is looking at me and making her own thoughts.

It's not wrong, it's natural, but I think it's something that we can stop and prevent ourselves from making.

We may have an opinion at first about someone, but don't let that stop you from trying to find out what that person really is like.

Just put yourself in those shoes, someone looks you up and down, and jots a thought in their head and decided that you're not good enough for them?

I think us as human beings, need to look at both sides,

or maybe to be more realistic, all sides.

We need to dig deep into a person and find out about them before we can decided to let something spark.

2011-03-03T19:22:00.000+08:00

i want a pet fish.

then i can tell it all my problems.

and it wont judge.

2011-03-03T19:10:00.001+08:00

you laugh as i cry. i laugh at your ignorance.

2011-03-03T18:45:00.000+08:00

i realised im so stress that i need a way to just relax,

and maybe the only way i can do that is to write.

so maybe from now on, everynight i'll write a short post on a topic.

though it might be retarded. at least i'll somehow feel better?

2011-03-03T18:44:00.001+08:00

~~sticks and stones may break my bones.~~

~~but words will never hurt me.~~

lies.

2011-02-06T19:02:00.002+08:00

this week's been a nice break, well kinda.

thursday passed by too quick with its small talk and food.

friday was fun ^^

and saturday was outright stressful.

i was so upset with the speech i gave last night, horrible.

i re-wrote it this morning, but now it's wayyy too long.

sigh, still got a CME presentation to do as well as emath, amath

and then try if i possibly can to study for amath on tuesday.

which reminds me, i have amath tuition on tuesday night ):

luckily, jiazhong's going back for reservice so i wont have tuitions on weekdays.

it'll be on weekends instead ;_;

but you gotta work hard if you want the results right?

gosh my life is falling down the drain ):

SIGH.

but whatever~

2011-02-01T20:28:00.003+08:00

finally, a day where im going to school the next and i dont have to feel guilty about not doing anywork!

WHOO HOOOOOOO

hahahaha yeah its been a busy week although today's only tuesday.

staying back late and like rushing all the way home like no one's business.

gosh, im so mentally tired.

i dont wanna think at all,

i just want to sit there and let my brain rot as i watch television!

and they've been showing NCIS re-runs in prep for this saturday (L)

and i've still only not watched one NCIS episode ^^

the last episode of season 6 cause i read the summary and found it to be just wayyyy to predictable!

anyway CHINESE NEW YEAR'S ROUND THE CORNER :D

yay!

that just means family, friends, angpaos and FOOD glorious food!

oh rock on man, im so excited (:

yeah but i'll be having to write my speech over the next few days so it wont be a complete break :/

it's completely normal to feel worried about your first competition right?

ahhhhhhhh!

anyway the most important thing is that i have fun, and i will :D

heehehehehe.

~~gosh, it is wrong to just for once have someone care about me just as much as i care about them?~~

schedule

2011-01-29T17:31:00.002+08:00

gosh my life is so packed currently

it seems like i have to be doing something every single moment,

im so scared of when i'll finally crack :/

monday

school till 3pm

cca till 6pm

tuition from 7-9pm

tuesday

school till 3pm

cca till 6pm

tuition from 7-9pm

wednesday

school till 230pm

tuition 7-9pm

thursday

school till 2pm

cca till6pm

friday

school till1:30pm

cca till 6pm

what if i break?

2011-01-28T19:58:00.002+08:00

whoo, im so tired recently.

and i've been sick again "whoopdedoo"

okay im a wee bit high right now cause i just took another dosage of painkillers,

wet floors should be illegal.

i landed on my back again and even with my school bag to "cushion" the floor, its just as bad.

the initial shock was horrible at first but the pain hasnt worn off like the last time

and im assuming it's becausethat incident, i had time to rest whereas i rushed off for school with this one.

hmmm.... bones are funny but i've got an appointment with the chiropractor tmr,

mum's afraid it might be a trapped nerve, though i think its highly unlikely.

but how else am i getting sharp pains down my arms and legs?

sigh, why is it always me? :/

any who!

suju just arrived, sigh if only haley didn't see the tickets first.

why are parents so biased all the time?

i know they dont admit it and say they love us equally but COME ON,

it's human nature to obciously be biased to ONE kid.

it's hard NOT to pick a favourite right?

and i know this decision was made based on pure guilt, no matter how many times you guys want to deny it.

but whatever, i'm still lucky to be here i guess?

and well, everything happens for a reason so i'll live.

gosh i'm watching chopped right now,

what if life really was like this?

that if you weren't good enough, if you didn't fit the standard or criteria, you'd be cut off just like that.

no sorry, no helping you with mistakes, just a simple sentence.

you've been "chopped".

hmm maybe school isn't such a bad thing, they let you learn and make mistakes.

the working world seems so....hmmm stressful?

i can't seem to find the right word at the moment.

i might edit this post if i can think of it.

but whatever!

omg i'm in such a weird mood right now, just moving from topic to topic!

oh and my head's been SPINNING with new storylines but i can never find the time to write them down ):

there's the car shop story, the collin one, the blake one, the purity ring! AHHH TOO MANY STORYLINES.

and i'll just be stoning and i'll suddenly just think of a scene.

gosh if only i had a break to write out the entire story line :/

but, i'll survive!

life

2011-01-22T21:57:00.002+08:00

so i think i kinda need to blog more often because my blog needs a revival.

and so does my tumblr, even that's like dead.

eh? *shrugs*

anyway, it seems like problems seem to spring up at every point in time now a days.

they may be small or big but they still trouble me.

got hit with some news today, haven't been able to stop thinking about it ever since i heard it.

worries me so much.

i don't know what to do about it, should i step in?

should i let it be?

im confused, and i know that like what we learned today i need to put the weight on god.

and i need to have faith that the answer of what to do will come soon,

but you cant blame a girl for worrying right?

basic emotions of hormonal teenage girl.

sigh, it'll get easier.

we have to look positive.

on a brighter note, my mother finally found me a chem and physics tuition teacher.

down side? he'll be out for reservice for the whole of february.

and mrs chan is still on materity leave.

ugh.

2011-01-10T23:59:00.002+08:00

i suddenly have this motivation to do well and study hard,

but how can i do so when im so tired all the time? :/

oh and i just found out something, i work better in silence, talking to myself.

anyway, i should be going to bed. long day tmr

tests, work, new teachers, training.

well in a strange way im pretty pumped up for it.

excuse my weirdness but yah, i look forward to it ^^

okay so i'm going to watch videos till i fall asleep again.

seems like its the only way i can fall asleep these days

2011-01-09T19:30:00.003+08:00

for the pass two weeks i've been helping you deal with your girlfriend.

i took it lightly, just like your pass girlfriends.

two months ago you asked me how to ask her out,

looks like my advice worked.

you said i rocked cause my advice always seems to work.

but as much as i want to say i dont want to help or im busy,

i cant. cause seeing you happy makes me so happy.

how is this even possible?

you shouldnt have sent the signals,

maybe this wouldnt have even happened in the first place and we would just be best friends.

to each other, nothing more nothing less.

i dont know why i even helped you composed the letter when it made me ache as i wrote it.

then we webcammed, so happy to see you after a year.

and what did you have to do?

show me what she looked like, show me a picture of you guys kissing.

and then today your sister comes to me and says "oh did you know my brother got a girlfriend"

oh boy do i know.

why does it seem like i cant remove you?

if only life were so simple as to have a delete button.

2011-01-04T22:35:00.003+08:00

okay im bored so i just decided to post all my edits. please excuse me.

2011-01-04T19:04:00.003+08:00

Nothing is ever really lost, or can be lost;

No birth, identity, form - no object of the world,

Nor life, nor force, nor any visible thing;

The body, sluggish, aged, cold - the embers left from earlier fires,

......shall dully flame again.

- Walt Whitman

Love this poem (L)

so much meaning behind those few lines.

we can never forget anything, part of it will always last in our memories.

even though it may not be accessible, it has still been etched into our minds.

it may take a while to get it back, but you CAN get it back.

it is now i understand why they say you never stop loving someone, no matter what happens. you just learn to live without that love returned. you can never forget the love you gave them or the love they gave you.

2011-01-04T18:50:00.003+08:00

today was the first day of school,

wasn't too happy with the teachers given for our class.

kind of disappointed actually,

but i think the best part was that we had the same class and everyone was already comfortable.

if not for several small issues i think i'd be really happy with my class.

hmm well anyway its time for a fresh start!

no overdue homework,

no missing school,

no more being late.

well hopefully i can do it! :P

2010-12-29T19:52:00.000+08:00

it seems nothing can be done right.

right?

2010-11-30T00:15:00.002+08:00

Jeremiah 29:11

i love this verse so much,

whenever i have a bad day i just read it and things begin to get better.

if you're going through a rough patch,

just remember that god is always there for you no matter what.

and everything happens for a reason because it is in his great plan for it to be that way.

i need to trust in him more and not take everything for granted.

he's given us all these things so that we can live a life for him.

he'll always be there to catch us when we fall.

which really reminds me of that story about the footprints in the sand.

the man asks god why at his own most troubled times there were only one pair of footprints.

and god answered because it was then that he carried him.

he'll be walking with us throughout our journey.

whispering words of wisdom and holding us up every now and then.

noob

2010-11-29T23:51:00.002+08:00

tmr i shall seriously start doing all my work,

sherilyn just scared the shit out of me about o's.

honestly, what if i'm never ready? :/

im too scared to think of the consequences.

ahhhh distracting myself right now with other thoughts.

i wanna watch harry potter for a forth time ):

lol, how ridiculous am i?

people watch it once and i want to watch it seven times.

i know the torments i shall receive for wanting to do so, hehehe.

but bring it man, im a pothead for life.

okay that sounded sooooo wrong,

like i were a druggie.

hehehehe ^^

hmmm its 11;53pm.

i keep telling myself i should go to bed but im not tired yet :/

this is what happens when i wake up at like 10:30am.

my body clock is totally screwed up.

thank god i only have training tmr,

shit just remembered im broke so i have to take the train to training.

if i get asked to do a security check i really will be pissed man ):

im such a noob.

honestly.

hmmm i need to stop saying that.

LOL.

2010-11-28T22:53:00.003+08:00

"the last enemy shall be destroyed is death"

- 1 Corinthians 15;26

JK Rowling put this on Lily and James' graves.

it means living pass out mortal lives.

it means living after death, with god.

where we will finally live happy and perfect lives.

2010-11-28T22:53:00.001+08:00

the heart is a muscle.

and what happens when a muscle tears.

it grows back STRONGER

2010-11-28T22:47:00.002+08:00

im acting like some emo kid right now.

sitting in the corner of my bed with my laptop

all the lights are off but the television which has been muted.

slow songs blasting from my computer

a tub of ice cream accompanying me at this time of the day.

honestly, today i cried twice and i don't know why.

all i knew is that i felt better after it.

its always better to let things out, just don't keep them in.

sigh, i don't even want to go on holiday anymore.

i just want to stay on the computer the whole day.

i wanna escape everything.

please?

this is not the reality any of us wanted.

monsoon.

2010-11-23T22:00:00.002+08:00

okay i just realised selena gomez can't sing live either ):

but i like her song a year without rain.

more like a damn decade.

UGH.

hahahah anyways today was fun :D

little bakers,

i think i was lucky!

hahahah, i got the guai-est group? but they were kinda noisy, at least they listened!

can't wait for tmr where we have NO more sticky things!!

wish the usuals were there though ):

after, went to eat kfc with momo!

BANDITO POCKET :D

then went to kallang bowl!

me likey my new balls!!! (sounds wrong :/)

bowled pretty well after breaking in my new ball,

then momo sent me to changi airport!

yay tmr there's a sleepover!! :D

BAND HERO AND MARIO KART!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

that sounded stupid.

oh yeah well i wanna go to bed now.

nights!

A YEAR WITHOUT RAIN.

Can you feel me
When I think about you
With every breath I take
Every minute
No matter what I do
My world is an empty place

Like I've been wonderin the desert
For a thousand days ( ouhoooh )
Don't know if it's a mirage
But I always see your faaaaaaace, baby

I'm missing you so much
Can't help it, I'm in love
A day without you is like a year without rain
I need you by my side
Don't know how I will survive
A day without you is like a year without raaaaaain
Ohohouh, Wooaaah wooaah wooaah

The stars are burning
I hear your voice in my mind ( it's in my mind )
Can't you hear me calling
My heart is yearning
Like the ocean that's running dry
Catch me I'm falling

It's like the ground is crumbling underneath my feet
Won't you save me
There's gonna be a monsoon
When you get back to me
Ohhhh baabyyyy

I'm missing you so much
Can't help it, I'm in love (love)
A day without you is like a year without rain
I need you by my side (side)
Don't know how I will survive
A day without you is like a year without raaaaaain
Ohohouh, Wooaaah wooaah wooaah

So let this drought come to an end
And may this desert flower again
I'm so glad you found me
Stick around me
Baby, baby, baby, whoaa
It's a world
No wonder
With you in my life
So Hurry baby, Don't waste no more time
And I need you here
I can't explain
But a day without you
Is like a year without rain
Ohhohoh

I'm missing you so much (much)
Can't help it, I'm in love
A day without you is like a year without rain
I need you by my side (side)
Don't know how I'll survive
A day without you is like a year without rain
Ohhohoh, Woooaaahh woaahh
Ooohh, Ooooooooouuhh

mine

2010-11-19T00:59:00.003+08:00

i was suppose to go to bed about two hours ago.

i have absolutely no mood to do so.

GAAAAAAAH ):

come one!

what's wrong with me, i mean i know i slept at one but i'm sure there's a tired bone somewhere.

your reply was exactly what i expected if you would reply in the first place.

god i miss you.

i want that hug, i want you to keep that promise you made.

Mine - Taylor Swift

Ohh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Ohh, oh, oh, oh, oh

You were in college working part time waiting tables
Left a small town, never looked back
I was the flight risk with the fear of fallin'
Wonderin' why we bothered with love if it never lasts

I say "Can you believe it?"
As we're lying on the couch
The moment I can see it
Yes, yes I can see it now

Do you remember we were sittin' there by the water?
You put your arm around me for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Flash forward and we're taking on the world together
And there's a drawer of my things at your place
You learned my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded
You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes

But we've got bills to pay
We got nothing figured out
When it was hard to take yes, yes
This is what I thought about

Do you remember we were sitting there by the water?
You put your arm around me for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Do you remember all the city lights on the water
You saw me start to believe for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Woah oh ohh

And I remember that fight 2:30 AM
Cause everything was slippin' right out of our hands
I ran out crying and you followed me out into the street

Braced myself for the goodbye
Cause that's all I've ever known
And you took me by surprise
You said "I'll never leave you alone"

You said
"I remember how we felt sittin' by the water
And every time I look at you it's like the first time
I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter
She is the best thing that's ever been mine"

Oh oh
Make it last
Hold on
Never turn back

You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Woah oh

Yeah, yeah... Do you believe it?

Woah oh
We're gonna make it now.
Woah oh
And I can see it yeah, yeah
And I can see it now, See it now, See it now

miss you

2010-11-19T00:57:00.001+08:00

i miss you.

isn't that ever good enough a reason?

i sure as hell think it is.

anyone else wanna second that?

anyone?

i miss you - miley cyrus

You used to call me your angel
Said I was sent straight down from heaven
You'd hold me close in your arms

I loved the way you felt so strong
I never wanted you to leave
I wanted you to stay here holding me

[CHORUS:]
I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you, sha la la la la
I miss you

You used to call me your dreamer
And now I'm living out my dream
Oh how I wish you could see
Everything that's happening for me
I'm thinking back on the past
It's true that time is flying by too fast

[CHORUS]

I know you're in a better place, yeah
But I wish that I could see your face, oh
I know you're where you need to be
Even though it's not here with me

[CHORUS x2]

(I miss you)

airplanes

2010-11-18T19:17:00.004+08:00

today was kind of a slow day.

Woke up at 4am to shower and wake myself up before heading to the airport.

unable to find everyone but jin saw me,

all of us looked dead, though i reckon i was lucky to get 4 hours of sleep.

had breakfast with loads of crapping. it was fun,

gonna miss ammiel's retardedness, hahaha!

yeah then went home with everyone else, i think we all wanted to just go home and go back to bed.

reached home at about 7?

bus was empty which kinda freaked me out a little.

then fell asleep at 8 and woke up at 12 thanks to little sisters who shout for no reason but as a mean of communication.

yeah and i've been msning and tumblring ever since.

oh what a joy the holidays are, i think it turns me into some lazy bum.

well i already am lazy so i guess im just progressing up the pig scale!

lol, gosh i still want to sleep :/

i didn't like being at the arrival halls, brought back to many painful memories. they were good ones, but they brought back so many emotions. we walked pass the gate you arrived at the first year feelings started to grow. number 47, i'll always remember that gate. it's where you left your mum's suitcase by accident and all us forgot about it until we had arrived at your new house. by the time they drove back, the police and airport security had surrounded it, thinking that it might have been a bomb. i guess looking back on it, we laugh and say how careless you were. but that night really was a stresser for everyone. i especially remember that first conversation we had. all the parents were away, it was just us kids, the rest had fallen asleep, it was awkward i guess, maybe because we didn't know what to come? well, that's how i felt. i cant seem to find an excuse for your reaction. oh and recently, i find myself despising the tanah merah mrt station. i have that horrible habit of walking all the way to the end of the train to make sure i am sitting at the end, espcially if i am alone. and when i left the rest of them today, i found myself sitting opposite your condo, knowing that i would never be able to spend time there with you again.

firework

2010-11-14T00:26:00.003+08:00

"Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?"

Honestly, i do feel like that at least for one moment in a day.

usually before i go to bed or at some point where things seem wrong.

it's as if you were right at the verge of crumbling,

of almost breaking down.

about to give up.

am i one blow away from that?

cause i don't want to be.

the past, present and future.

2010-11-13T23:12:00.001+08:00

"you don't need to be the best, just be someone who you're proud to be"

dont be ashamed of your past,

it has made you who you are

dull pains

2010-11-13T22:56:00.002+08:00

why do we allow the pain to continue exist?

its hard to let go of im guessing.

you get used to the numbness and ache inside yourself

that you don't want to allow it to disappear.

because maybe then it didn't seem real?

but it was,

but you MUST remember something:

it was the past.

we may not know what to do next or how to solve a situation,

but i think the only solution for that is to pray.

or just talk to someone, letting it out is always a better solution then keeping it inside.

you might just feel like breaking down,

so do it.

im certain most of us wont judge,

crying comes naturally, don't refuse it.

i promise you that you'll feel better after it.

just let it out, someone will always be there to listen.

or just sit beside you.

never forget - some one will always be there.

siblings.

2010-11-07T23:21:00.004+08:00

honestly, we fight almost everyday.

and i'm tired, please go on without me.

i've been feeling bad about it every second of the day,

most of the time when i can't fall asleep and the events of the day revisit me.

the guilt arises,

i've not been a good sister.

i don't think i've been there enough, it seems like we never "clicked"

we don't have that many thing in common, but today you broke my heart.

hearing you cry and tell me everything just shattered it there and then,

and with you not being with me i feel like a bad sister

because im not fulfilling my duty,

where was i when you needed me?

i was probably ignoring you for doing something stupid to me that pissed me off.

i'm sorry, that's sincerely all i have to say.

we fight, we scream, we cry.

it's a part of our relationship and i only hope that as you grow up that you meet friends who will treat you better and become as close to you as a sister would.

i hope that as both of us mature we build a better relationship,

a better bond.

will you forgive me for the past years?

i want to show you what it's really all about,

i want to be there to teach you.

even though you won't read this, i've told you before.

although you pushed it aside and told me to go away, im still here.

even if you've just hit me, i'll still come.

no matter what.

because i want to see you happy, no more tears.

Megaphone

2010-11-06T21:17:00.002+08:00

I loved Resonate's message today!

learned a lot about myself and about God's plan.

He puts suffering in our lives for a reason, to help us grow.

Help us learn, cause you can only regret something you've done if you didn't learn from your mistake.

man, I think god is just pure awesomeness.

2 Corinthians 4 13-18

YOU NEED TO READ IT.

it's so moving and really helps you understand a lot!

we need to have our megaphone to show how he really is a great god who has a bigger plan

compared to what we might think

life's aim is not about having yourself and your loved ones lead a good life,

it's about leading a life to show everyone who god is and show them his might and power.

and learnt something else today.

about self-confidence and accpetance.

the only people who i should care about what they think of me are my friends and family.

like who cares what everyone else thinks?

they accept me for me, and god accepts who i am,

he'll always be there to help me along the way.

i don't need to please anyone else accept the people who matter to me.

a dream is a wish your heart makes

2010-11-05T11:29:00.002+08:00

I like the feeling of waking up in the morning.

It's almost as if nothing happened last night and all the after maths of events have disappeared.

We can act as if nothing happened,

as if things weren't said,

as if things weren't done.

It's the feeling of freedom, of having your mind being able to soar and do whatever you want.

When you sleep, it's where you allow your imagination to come alive,

to see what your heart truly desires.

Dreams allow you to take a step away from your problems and experience something else.

Especially that something else that allows you to be happy.

That's why I like dreams, so don't mind me if I prefer sleeping.

I know, I am a pig.

Well the zodiac kinda gave most of my characteristics away!

But still, I like escaping. Sometimes imagining what might happen if things ended or began differently.

Sometimes though, it does get pretty frightening.

Thinking about all the mistakes and regrets and wondering about alternate endings.

But who cares?

What's done is done.

Mistakes allow us to grow and learn.

I want to learn (:

2010-11-04T23:10:00.002+08:00

i'm falling to pieces.

i can feel myself being torn with feelings and opinions.

i don't know whether my choices are right,

or whether my fears are turning into realities.

inside, i can hear the shatters and the crumbles but it's being ignored.

because other people, i feel, are more important to focus on.

i wanna help others with what they're facing

because maybe, what i'm feeling won't need to be addressed.

cause i don't think its all that necessary.

i want god to take away the pain and help me.

but patience is a virtue.

and i am willing to wait.

Demi?

2010-11-04T22:58:00.003+08:00

okay honestly, I really want to know what happened to Miss Lovato!

I know it's none of my business but I love her!

So far, I know that she's in a clinic in Chicago seeking treatment for physical and mental exhaution?

hope she's better :/

oh and it HAS been confirmed that she punched one of her dancers in Peru :(

i do not know why Demi would do something like that, but she did.

The poor dancer now has a black eye and is continuing the rest of the tour with JB.

I really hope the rumors about Joe aren't true.

It just proves how he's even more of a jerk than I thought he was!

rumors are saying that disney called him to "hook-up" with Demi in order to rack in views for Camp Rock 2, if this IS true, I just can't believe what disney has turned into!

Disney is suppose to be about bringing smiles to it's viewers, not racking in cash!

I wouldn't be surprise if Walt and Roy Disney were both turning in their graves.

Personally, if the rumors about how he and his father were in on the plan I would have probably reacted the same way.

Well minus the bullemia and self inflictions.

Hope everything's okay with her :/

and Selena and Taylor are reaching out to her!

YAY REUNION!!! :D

omg that's just ridiculous but I'm really glad!

they were my favourite friendship to watch, it was so sad to see it end cause of stupid cyrus.

but well, we shall never know what happened till she comes out of rehab so, GET WELL SOON!

2010-11-04T12:50:00.003+08:00

so my back hurts as if someone decided to stab me,

twist the knife, remove it

and repeat that about...fourty times?

oh and i did i mention my entire right hand has gone numb?

i know. FABULOUS.

i'm suppose to be having school now

but i'm at home with a brace and ice pack attatched to my body.

sigh, thank god i didn't have to go to the hospital.

since the polyclinic was open by the time i got home,

got an injection to get rid of the pain.

nearly fainted while watching him prepare the syringe.

get over it amelia, your fifteen remember?

UGH.

okay, i shall leave now.

the drowsiness is kicking in.

man i wish i were at school.

but we cant always get what we want, right?

i bid thee audieu.

2010-11-03T20:41:00.001+08:00

it seems as if i will never be that important.

to anyone.

it keeps getting better

2010-11-03T19:25:00.002+08:00

life's so depressing these days.

i no longer have the energy to do anything

not to mention homework?

okay that means focusing on the important things

not obsessions amelia

get a damn grip.

especially you, gosh i need to move on

but how do i?

yesterday you said "i feel invisible"

i replied "don't worry, i'll always see you!"

you laughed, thought i was joking eh?

well no, i meant it.

i see you, i understand you.

once you said it i knew what you meant.

you were afraid, afraid that people would only see you as a pretty boy full of dirty jokes.

but i see beneath it.

right?

but you laughed.

you laughed.

ARGH.

so school today?

went by CRAWLING.

but let me tell you, buying food and brining it to school

one of the smartes things i've done.

saves A LOT of money (:

hehehehe.

then let's see...

oh emily came back :/

and what else? erm stoned during physics and a math though i did take notes and listen

but my mind was just clouded by other things that seemed more important then

chemistry?

fun in a way?

i like practicals, don't judge. hehehe

oh and lit.

omg so quiet without lim shan.

she needs to come backkkkkkkkkkkkk

im sorry for always leaving you alone limshan because of illnesses!

i understand how you feel now!!!

then?

chinese intensive, kinda funny.

hahahaha only ppl there understand

facebook. HAHAHAHAHA!

omg love lao shi.

she is da bomb!

oh then debate

wah piang my mind is BLOWN.

a PM speech, by myself?

are you shitting me?

i'm surprised leigh anne said it was okay.

sigh need to focus on a lot of things.

life needs to get better.

seriously.

life's like garlic, it taste better after you have to fry it.

bored

2010-11-02T19:21:00.002+08:00

honestly, i'm bored out of my mind.

and i know i should be doing homework right now.

but AHHHH ):

so many things in my head.

i want to tumblr like it's no ones business so that i can get things off my mind.

hmm let's see what happened today?

well school was REALLY slow.

kept looking at the clock but it was as if time was at a stand still.

had awesome chocolates, cookies and tuna puffs thanks to mum.

then let's see chem intensive?

helped a lot.

i kinda get the gist of how to look at questions properly now.

anyway, then training

hahaha cab rides with jo and joan are funny!

talked about the whole disney clan and their dating maze.

hehehe geddit maze?

see what i did there?

okay not funny.

yeah so training:

hmm pretty fun to watch and chitchat i guess

and both my parents refused to pick me up or at least come home despite their free-ness.

i'm sorry i am in no mood to find a replacement for that word (:

ehehehe

but i need to keep this blog alive.

REVIVE I TELL YOU.

REVIVE!!!!!

hahahah, omg something just hit my window.

freaked me out, causing me to now have a sneezing fit and making me throw my back out.

this is sooooo not fun.

ahhhh why is it you're online and i dont have the guts to talk to you?

its just one click and hello away.

but how can i?

i wont know what to say.

aaaannnnd you just said hi.

hmm i dont know whether to be scared or happy?

anyhow. i'll go answer your greeting now.

2010-11-02T00:34:00.000+08:00

LOOK AT HIS EYES!!!!!!!

BONES APPREACIATION POST!

2010-11-02T00:09:00.007+08:00

BOOTH: Okay, this is Special Agent Frost from the bomb unit.
FROST: Booth pulled me out of an important lunch. It took me months to set up that meeting. It better be good, Booth. (Hodgins ogles her.)
BOOTH: She’ll be working with you, Hodgins.
HODGINS: Yes, please. What? No, no. Um, hmm? Ja – Hodgins. Doc – Doctor. We’re – okay.
FROST: I beg your pardon?
HODGINS: It’s-
ANGELA: He’s Dr. Jack Hodgins. (She shakes Frost’s hand.) Angela. Montenegro. I do facial reconstructions – and him

OMG HIS SOCKS (:

OTP (less than three)

one of the best cast. ever. omg look at zack!!

first kiss :*

PARKER!!!

they are the cutest!

this dream should have totally come true!

mmhmm! you know you want to!

ahhhh :D

omg im in love with bones.

i cant stand it.

hahahahaahah!

brennan and booth!!!

and btw, david boreanaz is HAWT.

well for a 38 year old man.

anyway, since i cant sleep:

BONES APPRECIATION POST!!!

2010-11-01T23:48:00.002+08:00

life seems to be having its ups and downs

we can all be laughing and suddenly i have the sudden urge to want to cry.

but life's like that.

gosh so many topics came up today.

especially during lit,

your name and the idea of you was brought up.

it reminded me of our last convo,

i havent talked to anyone about it yet.

it makes my stomach churn.

you kept saying you want to come back,

i want you to come back too.

i want that day where we were just sitting looking through that magazine and i was lying on your shoulder.

i always imagine what i might have said if i realised that that was the last time i saw you here.

then i just saw your fb.

gosh, you make me go on a high.

that's not something i am comfortable with.

i want you here, not necessarily with me.

just in the same damn country at least.

ahhh i want to visit you. so badly.

anyway, haven't done any homework.

no mood.

cant be bothered.

i'll do them at school tmr morning.

hopefully tmr will be better.