Dawson Tales

I am so tired now a days. It's like this constant battle to not fall ill or just pass out during lessons. And it seems like no one realises that I'm trying to keep up, it just seems that people assume I'm not prioritising or that I'm just plain lazy. I admit, I used to be like that - I hated doing work and the thought of it completely repulsed me but now, the pressure is on lah and I can't help it and I really want to do well and stop not just making the people around me disappointed, but I'm sick of being disappointed with myself as well.

I hate coming home feeling like death and going to school having people tell me I look like shit or that I look completely lifeless because it's not like I am forcing myself to look this way. I'm trying, trying so hard to balance everything and I feel that at any moment's notice I just might break because I really do feel that vulnerable. That meltdown last week? That was nothing. I know it, I can feel this surge of emotions and this build up of anger and frustration and just plain exhaustion building up in me and I don't want it to come out.

I see the way people look at me when I tell them I have to rush my homework cause I couldn't do it last night or that I can't stay back to study because I have CCA and you know what? I'm sorry. And I truly am and I feel so pathetic because I know you want me to do well and be able to sustain myself but I can't, I'm trying and I really really can't at this moment. Right now, I'm sorry but I guess my studies have become the one main thing that I MUST sacrifice and it sucks, it really really does. Sigh, hahaha I just hope I won't regret my actions March 2014.

One thing that makes me really sad is that people don't realise how happy seeing him makes me. Like just that wave or smile or what not, it brightens up my day because...it's almost as if there's one person I havent let down, but maybe I have when I completely ignored you after school today, ahahaha. I'm so brilliant I swear, I just end up making all the wrong choices, time and time again.

안녕하세요 개구리, 난 당신이 나를 얼마나 기뻐 알고 있다고 생각하지 않습니다.