Mould me and make me.

Going for an interview in 6 hours, gonna have to be up in 3, but right now my mind is so riddled and filled to the brim with unnecessary thoughts that I really can't seem to be calm enough to fall asleep. 

So much anger piled up because I'm just so frustrated with how things keep turning out. How is it that when all you do is give and give and yet you're still treated like you're worth nothing? But the world isn't supposed to be fair, right? I'm not supposed to be doing things and expecting things in return. I guess I've yet to learn that I must do things always with the right intention. Maybe I have been too selfish. I always expect something, I guess, when I do things and that's definitely the wrong mindset. I should be giving because giving is a joy and it's what God asked us to do. 

Maybe I am too immature to fully understand and grasp fully what it means to be loved by Him and to love others. I think that's why things have yet to fully fall into place. I'm so focused on myself and my own future that I'm not really showing the world what it means to be a child of God and be loved by him. I need to be able to showcase his love better. What's supposed to happen is that I'm supposed to take his love and from there form relationships right? And I mean, how amazing would those relationships be? Whereby you take that love and you transfer it and form a connection because you both understand that love of God - the strongest force ever. I think that would really just be so amazing and awesome. And I really do mean awesome, not the stupid overused and cliched meaning, but I genuinely think I'd be so struck with it's power that I'd just stand there in complete shock and awe because it really must be such a beautiful thing to not only witness and experience. 

I've been doing things all wrong, worrying about things I can't control. If in the next 9 months I really don't accomplish anything, I want to accomplish this one thing. And that is to really understand God and his word more. That way I can see his plan and approach all of "life" differently. I want to be fulfilling my duty while I'm down here

If I learned anything this year, I definitely learned that life is short. I hope with the new approach I won't be as worried, paranoid or angry. I really hope that I achieve a greater piece of mind and heart.