Dawson Tales

I've stopped talking to people about you because maybe if I didn't say anything, I could compartmentalise again. I could push you to the back of my mind and forget that everything happened. I know we promised each other to have status quo, but honestly? How can we achieve status quo when the moment I think of you, bile begins to rise, my stomach begins to churn and my heart speeds? 

I'm sorry I made a promise that I can't keep. Not right now any way. If someone ever asked me about why I stopped talking about you, it wasn't because I stopped having feelings. It was because I didn't want to keep having to face them night after night. Last sem really taught me how to forget, how to push the fears away and focus on what to be thankful for and whatever else is positive and keeps me going. I could forget and I could tell myself that yes, I was getting over you. I could move on and maybe just stop associating myself with you in all possible ways and just stop being linked in such a manner to anyone. 

But tonight, you shattered all ability to remain calm. I really wish you didn't try to restart everything. I wish you could stop being kind and caring and protective. You've made me feel what I thought I could bury. 

I don't want to be able to feel this way. I don't want to be tied down by you.