Back - but for what reason?

I realise that I begin to only ever come here to either reflect or to just...emo? LOL, well that's the simple term for it. But yes, I come here whenever I'm having a crappy day and need to let it all out.

I haven't posted since, wow, JUNE. I guess I was full speed mode what with Pre-camp and then work and then back to Arts Camp and then almost immediately flying to Aussie, going back to work and then England and BKK back to back. It was an amazing summer I must say. I learnt so much and I got to experience so many new things in such a short period of time and I am definitely grateful for the opportunity. I doubt many people got the chance to do the things I did and I must thank God again for giving me things like the money to travel - because let's face it, I would not have been able to save enough on my own - such a good boss, friendly work staff, a chance to prove myself in a male dominated work place, good times with friends, time with family, amazing exposure at work. The list is endless basically.

And yet...coming back to school and starting life in hall seems like the complete opposite of my entire summer. I'm tired all the time - mentally and physically, I'm having to socialise and force myself to fit in, I'm struggling with my computer which has also resulted in falling behind in work, problems with worrying about social pressure and on top of that a feeling of absence and longing for the Spirit at the same time.

It's been a spiritual dry couple of months what with everything keeping me away from listening to the word or having quiet time - which is still not a good excuse, I know. But it's been a struggle. One that I want to overcome as soon as possible.

I don't think I've felt this alone since I was put into SA - it's never been so hard to try and find a group that I belong in. Maybe it's because I'm out of place: being Year 2 but being seen as a freshie, people my batch having already made friends, having not gone for camp - meaning that everyone else already knew each other before all of this. But I need to keep remind myself that I'm here for a reason and that I was given things like Wardrobe IC and SM sub-comm for damn good reasons. Reasons that I don't know but will find out eventually and I know that I mustn't give up now.

Have courage, be kind. Be confident in who you are, KNOW who you are and what you want to achieve at the end of the day. We don't have to fall for what we THINK we need to have when we already know ourselves what we want.

Time will heal all things right? Even the greatest wounds - and I will keep fighting to try and let them be healed.

can't believe I nearly succumbed to temptation and called you. And for the first time in a long time, I'm gonna admit this: I really miss holding your hand.