Ugh.

I've actually been waiting for quite some time to post about my birthday and what not because it was honestly some of the happiest memories I've ever had, but sooooo much shit has happened in the past few days, no HOURS that it's just ridiculous.

Screamed at time and time again I'm shouted at for things I have no control in participating in. Like look, okay I understand that I'm supposed to be in charge and handling the CCA but OHMAIGAWD stop scolding me for things that I had no part in. Like for the keys, I WASNT EVEN THERE THAT DAY AND SHE WAS. So why am I getting punished???? like what the actual shit man. What do you want me to do? I WAS BABY SITTING FOR YOU LEH SOMEMORE. LIKE WHAT THE. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO SIR. WHAAAAAT. FINE MAKE ME STEP DOWN OKAY I DONT REALLY CARE ANYMORE, ALL I WANNA HAVE IS MY MIDCS SPOT. I hope the new exco fails cause wah im leaving and I cant care anymore.

You know, it used to take  A LOT  in me to hate someone, but it's so easy for me nowadays to get frustrated and angry and idk how to stop it which is honestly quite sad because I dont want this to continue anymore. I dont like this me that is so angry all the time and rants and whines because I wanna just focus on what is important.

My studies are like falling down the long kang by the second sia. PMT on Friday, so dead. HAHAHA but okay mama expects it already so no biggie there but wah Ms Chan sure scold. I'm not even speaking in proper english anymore cause I can't be bothered LOL. Sigh, I dont like who I am. I just really really don't. Jesus, tell me what to do. I dont want all this anger and hate. I dont like feeling so negative and inadequate. I was made by you to do great things, I dont wanna feel like a failure anymore.

Saw this quote today "Do you think God ever gets sad? Like, 'What do you mean you don't love yourself? I worked so hard on you..." He provides everything in his time and i've gotta trust in him. I do and he will provide. He will.