And I mean of course I'm sad, I'm sad that I have to see you so sad and suffer that even though you were finally so so brave to get everything off your chest, you're still suffering. I still see you turn your hands into fists - wanting to punch the people around you. I see you glance away to avoid others looking at the pain that hides there. And I wish I could hold you and tell you that it'll be okay and that I would have never done what they did. And I wish I were her, I used to wish every second that I were her. And maybe a small part of me still wishes I was.
And even for you, I'm so happy that you finally get to be happy but you don't know what you're doing to others in the process of your own happiness. I want to be there to guide you and help you but I don't know how. I feel like once again I'm not good enough and so other people are thankfully there helping to teach you through this.
How will things turn out? I don't know. Will I lose a friend I treasure greatly? Two even? Maybe. But I guess if they're happy then nothing really matters.
His perfect plan, I'm waiting for His perfect plan for me. Thank you, God, for still loving me even though I don't know why anyone would and when I can't even love myself.
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