January 2, 2014

Nightmares

19/12/13

For the past week, or well, ever since I've arrived in NY, I've been getting these horrible nightmares almost every night that leave me waking up drenched in sweat or close to tears at 4 in the morning. I don't think I've ever had so many nightmares in such a short span of time. I guess it's because I haven't had the opportunity to sleep so peacefully and without any worries since the beginning of JC? But back to my main point, it's made me wonder what really causes one to have dreams/nightmares.

I know that scientifically, you dream every night once you've hit the 3rd or 4th (I can't remember) cycle, but you've got to be in deep enough sleep to remember it. At the same time, it's been really weird dreams that I've been having which is freaking me out because many people do say that it's a reflection of your subconscious.

First dream I had this week was about LingYi and myself as well as the rest of Maroon 8 who sorta had minor roles. But the main plot of the dream was about how the 8 of us were getting ready for prom and halfway through Little Low needed something so we both went back to the hotel room we were staying in to get it. While we were there, I turned on the television to keep myself entertained while she looked for whatever she needed (if I remember correctly it was lipstick - which it in itself is odd because she didnt wear any during prom) and on TV was that evening's news. The main piece the news was reporting on was about these two man who had brutally murdered anyone who was materialistic (I have no idea why this was the reason I died :/) but I didn't make much of it. So when we took the elevator down, we had somehow ended up at my house' void deck? And I have NO IDEA why but I decided to check my mail box and when we did I suddenly saw the two dudes who had white ski masks on and I quickly told Little Low to hide. What I dont understand about myself in the dream was that I thought that crouching down beside my letter box would make a good hiding place........and therefore it's no surprise that the two man came and killed us. I remember struggling and screaming and crying and scared for, literally, my freaking life. Safe to say I woke up covered in a sheen of sweat and close to tears at about 4:30 in the morning and the moment I had wifi proceeded to whatsapp Ling Yi to make sure she was okay. LOLOL. Moral of the dream? I guess it was telling me not to be materialistic? Though I mean, I admit that there are times where I am but I mean there are things I'm MUCH more guilty of....hahaha. But it has made me more aware of my attachment towards worldly things. So yeah, I guess there was some takeaway although I'd really like to know why of all things and ways it had to be told to me it was told like this hahaha.

Anyway, third dream (I'll skip the second later cause it'll be clumped with the rest since they're all the EXACT SAME STUPID DREAM) was me collecting my A's results :(  I guess this one is pretty normal and expected since it's the one thing that will be occupying my mind until March. But yeah, so what I ended up dreaming about was me getting AAU AAB which ermm yeah left me with no place in university because no one would accept a student who got a U for one of their H2s. Did I mention, that this U was, sadly, for econs? It keeps making me regret that I didn't start studying for this subject harder instead of only starting during prelims but what can I do now right? I guess there's no point in crying over spilt milk and instead, I should be focusing on how to make sure I don't end up having this dream again when I take my university examinations (if I freaking make it to Uni in the first place). But this really was such a horrible nightmare because I can recall everyone telling me that they got into all these awesome and prestigious schools like Oxford, Columbia, NUS etc. and in my dream I clearly recall myself sitting in some library of a school that I went to appeal into (I think it was NUS) and just sobbing because I didn't have a future thanks to the foolishness that is me. I just hope that what they say about how dreams are the opposite of reality is really really true because I can't go through with this :/

And yeah so the second, fourth and fifth dream have all been the same. They've all been about a certain someone liking me and us finally getting together. Mostly, it's been me creating some menacing scheme that makes _ jealous such that we finally go out but I think that honestly, that's such a sad way for a relationship to blossom. All I'd like to know is why I'm dreaming about this of all things? I really haven't thought much about _ since I last saw _ before I left, so why do they still reappear so often? I really just don't want to think about it because really, right now, I do think there are much more important things that I want to get started on.

So yeah, here have been my dreams for the past week, I know the last one is really lacking details unlike the first two but too much information will give _ away and HAHAHA won't that stir shit in this horrible pot :/ GAH. This post has been failing to go up while I've been in US so hope it works now that I'm back home. I've had a few more dreams them but they just seem to be along the same recurring things. God, please give me the wisdom to know what all of this actually means.

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