Work was seriously a crazy mess this month. From having to begin by staying till 7:30pm every night and working on Saturdays from 8:30-12:30, it escalated to working till 11++ and staying in the office till 4pm on a Saturday afternoon. At first, it pissed me off because of three huge problems I was facing:
1. I was being unable to fulfil a lot of my promises and responsibilities with church;
2. I was being a bad friend and
3. I was failing myself as well
So let's start with the first problem: I had signed up to start serving in church because I really felt that it was important to start giving back to the community and lovely & generous & selfless and just so great bunch that has welcomed me with open arms. I was especially excited to work in the outreach community (I still am) because I wanted to help others who were like me, so that they could come back to church as well. However, work was making it so difficult because in the first place, I could rarely make the meetings thanks to work. Also, I had a hard time finalising the images & flyers and getting them to Uncle Heng Gin because I'd come home just soooo drained that it'd come out crappy or I didn't even have the energy to start working on anything. I felt so irresponsible and bad because I was causing problems for so many people and I'm honestly just so glad that God helped me with the wordings and finding the perfect images. ESPECIALLY when I had to go back to edit the quality of the photo - meaning I had to go search for the exact same photo on weheartit that was more HD (because I stole the photo of it hahaha) But yeah I'm so glad it's gone to print now and everyone likes it! (At least I think so lol)
And ok, not only that, but with the befriending workshop last Saturday. I felt soooooo horrible not being able to show up and I seriously felt like I was letting people down. It was even worse that I fell sick yesterday so I couldn't even catch up with Aunty Ee Boon on what had happened the day before :/ I'm just glad that no more work means more opportunities to attend resonate!!!!!! AND FULFIL DUTIES.
And okay now with the second problem. With work so crazy, I hardly replied ANYBODY. I probably replied only before work, once during lunch and after work - which by then (especially in the last week) was a time where people were already asleep or preparing to go to bed. WHICH SUCKED. and so I felt like I really couldn't be there for a lot of people although I wanted to :( and I'm really sorry if I've left anyone down because you deserve better than me sending such occasional replies. On top of that, I missed so many outings - WHICH I DETEST. and I seriously felt out of loop with quite a number of people. I can't believe I actually had the guts to reply people yesterday - one month late ;/ but I'm glad that some have still chosen to talk to me despite everything. And I guess no matter what I may have to face the consequences of falling out of touch with people.
Okay and lastly, yeah I think I failed myself. I let myself down a lot and I didn't like the way I am behaving towards my environment. The lack of sleep has really been getting to me and I keep snapping at people or pushing things aside. Especially with my university application, I feel like I sorta let myself down cause I didn't pay enough attention towards if which may really leave me.... suffering a lil bit. And hahaha every time the topic of Uni comes up, I just brush it to one side and try to bury the topic together because there's this HORRIBLE nagging feeling at the back of my head that tells me I'm not trying hard enough to get a place but sigh hahaha submissions are closed and I honestly can't care anymore.
Now, hopefully while we wait for the April target to come out I get to properly carry out some of these responsibilities and do them well.
But I really want to thank a group of people for being there to make the horrible, stressful and tiring month of March better - my colleagues. hahaha without the jokes they make, the pranks we pull on each other and the occasional badminton we try to squeeze in on the weekends, I'm gonna suffer at work. Again, God blessed me with a good group of friends that helped me keep my sanity. I wish I could go out with you guys tonight but family calls but I know that you guys, thankfully, understand and that we'll have another outing soon next week :) Really special thanks to Faustyyyyyy the cat for being my nonsense sprouter.
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