I want to be proud of myself, for the actions I choose to take. Not for the actions someone told me to take.

Am, you gotta stop screwing things up at some point in time. Stop being so obsessed with the momentarily important things that will eventually become unimportant. Remember what will stay relevant in the long run. 

What's so wrong with not fitting in? What's wrong with not belonging and breaking away the crowd? Come on, Am. Grow up. Realise what's really important when you look at your values and your principles. What do you take pride in? Are you going to be proud of yourself at the end of this?