Recently, I've been getting angry at others VERY easily. At the slightest hint of someone's selfishness, lack of concern, sarcasm or even when a person is obviously angry and trying to hint at it, all these situations somehow leave me feeling very angered and pissed off.
Which is strange, because I've always been so patient with friendships. I may not be the most patient person in the world. I admit, I complain and whine so much about every damn situation there is to possibly do so. However, I don't think at any point in my life have I gotten so furious and so annoyed.
I've always thought that this was because I've grown up with the fear of losing the people around me and ending up alone. Maybe... maybe now I'm finally okay with having things like fewer friends and not being well liked by everybody. At the same time... it feels wrong to a certain degree to feel angry in the first place.
Like who am I to feel angry and judge them for their feelings when I could possibly be in the same position as them?
What is making me even more angry with myself is the fact that I've always told others it's important to understand another's situation before you judge. But here I am, getting angry at others without thinking about what it's like to be in their shoes and what they feel.
And then again though, I feel like it's okay to be angry at people sometimes because it is human nature. But ARGH I don't like the idea of beating myself up about this. And maybe without thinking that people shouldn't be acting like this, I really should change the way I'm approaching things even if I am changing in that mindset and area of neediness (which I think is really good by the way.)
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ANYWAY, haven't really blogged much the past two weeks. But I guess life has been pretty good? I mean as good as it can get probably hahaha.
Work's been the same old same old. Staying late to try and help with the numbers because I feel bad for Shermeen and Shuying if I don't. At the same time, I also wanna earn as much money as I can so that I can save to spend some in NYC + have a good savings foundation. Gabriel left last week for NS, so there's only 6 of us now. Badminton and time spent with the rest have been good. I reflected this week while I was on mc (stomach flu bleurgh), but I really am thankful for this job. Gotta meet an interesting bunch of people and also really got to experience how difficult it is to earn a living and work in an office job. I think my university journey will be much more purposeful and focused thanks to this job. Truly, it's been an eye opening experience. OH and I sent in my resignation letter as well hehehehe. only 3 more weeks left, sorta sad cause I won't be seeing my colleagues anymore but also; YAY TO SLOTH LIFE I HAVE MISSED YOU SO. hehehe. Shall really make the most out of the last days at work :)
Also, it was phengwei's birthday yesterday. Wah I hate trying to surprise people bit then having to pretend like you're not gonna do anything because I TOTALLY KNOW HOW IT FEELS LIKE when you think nothing's happening :( but I'm glad she was genuinely surprised in the end HEHEHEHEHE. That girl really deserves the world and more than she thinks sia. Hope you had a good day dear ❤️ You know that we love you so so so much!!! So much love and support is bestowed upon me by this girl who really just gives and gives. Cannot ask for more ^^
Oh and hung out with Jo & Val the past two nights. REALLY really excited for New York with these two because the relationship we have is so effortless with so much joy and wah I laughed so much tonight although we did such random and stupid things. But those are the best kinda things aren't they? (: Even though we got judged by the other customers and waiters for selfies and eating sugar and playing with utensils, it was still so freaking fun man. HAHAHA. Especially when we got discounts whootzxzx. Can just totally imagine us getting judged by a those high class New Yorkers. Just so so so excited right now :) this also made me miss Animals A LOTTTTT :'( especially when we were recalling how we all became close and what not. And Alice is leaving soon as well which arghhhhh really saddens me because I swear I laugh so much and just enjoy being around those girls so much. Whenever I'm with them I will always cry because Iaugh so hard at some stupid thing that was done. Days are always made so much better with them :) It's not gonna be the same for 4 months T_T
This also made me miss spending every day with my Farm/Maroon 8/Dirt blood and balls :( trying to see everyone as much as I can to catch up with them and just be there for everyone, vice Versa. Wah all that nonsense especially in that last month of school seems so long ago but it really was some of my favourite memories man. Sorta miss school every now and then. The comfort, the routine and the environment are things I really treasured. Really miss huddling sessions a lot now that I think about it and singing songs and going on crazy highs hahaha.
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Hmm... as I think back about the past two weeks. I realised that I haven't seen the two of you since my birthday. I wonder how you all have been. Hopefully good. I'm really wondering where these friendships are gonna turn up. Especially with you. I thought that we were gonna be such good friends and I don't know what's happening on your side, but damn, do I miss you. I really really do. And you, hahaha there are days I think I'm finally over you but then I see a picture of you or you'll tweet or I'll be suddenly be brought back to a memory we had done together or I'll listen to a song you love and BAAAAAAMMMMM everything will come in like a rushing wind and I'm gone. So so so gone. hahaha. With time and strength I just hope it'll get better, because I know that there are better and greater things lying ahead.
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WOW this has been a long catch up post. But I'm glad to finally get MOST things out of my system. And I don't really know where I was going with this post. Mostly, I think it needed to be reflective and I think I've achieved that.
At least, I hope I have. But yeah, anyway... hmm. Basically I think I need to change my attitude towards people and truly try to be a better reflection of Christ (OH also had a good talk about Dennis and Kylie today about my walk with God), and really live a better life. Slowly but surely we'll get there.
We'll get there, Am.
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