Sigh, it was like someone out there decided to take everything I used to want and dangle it right in front of me. And as it always happens in dreams, you wake up at the best part. It was like I had finally gotten what would have made me just so so happy and then someone had to come in and steal it.
Maybe it happened because God wanted me to make sure that I was still aware of what I GENUINELY wanted and maybe not focus on those temporal desires? Idk but it really got me thinking that I've got to be sure of what I want and make sure I put effort into it.
Today was productive at least, went to KAP to study with Mel, Car, Marcus and Di. You know, I'm seriously not sure what I'd do without my seven other blessings in JC. Because I think that firstly, I would have already decided to give up at this point without their support and encouragement. Secondly, I might be close to death because I definitely wouldn't be taking care of myself, And lastly and most importantly, I don't think I'd be able to love myself. Just so so so glad.
And of course where would I be without my SMSS girls? Every day my animals, Sarah and Shan constantly help me stay strong and tell me not to give up. Idk I just feel so guilty at the moment for even THINKING about wanting to quit school and take As next year. I want to do well for all these people man, I think I've finally found my motivation. I especially want to bring glory to God and show the world what someone can do with his blessings and love.
I was feeling conflicted about HOW to commit my studies to God because I mean, it's not like I should stop studying altogether right? And Jo told me that it's more about my attitude and it's really changed the way I see and approach my work. I do what I can and leave it to God because he knows how much I've put in and he will bless me with everything. He'll let the cows come :)
The more I think about it, the more I realised, I really have struck Gold :) Funny how I started today and this post upset and depressed but right now I'm really happy and excited to study haha. Oh the power of love and Jesus. :')
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